Ernie Baker from Ardmore, PA, tells PALCA about his mother’s experience at Rosemont Presbyterian Village: 

My mother, Delma Baker lived there for over three years. It was her first of four separate retirement home facilities. I will relate some of our impressions about each one. Rosemont Presbyterian Village is a very beautiful building that has many independent living apartments and a wing dedicated to residents requiring medical assistance. My mother lived in an apartment with a bedroom and living room area, no kitchen but with a small refrigerator and a toaster oven. All her meals were taken in the main dining hall where she could choose cafeteria style dining or have table service. The staff were attentive and friendly and the food was better than most cafeteria fare. When Delma moved in she showed signs of what is now serious dementia. She was already learning how to cover up short episodes of confusion. Rosemont Village provided nurses or attendants that would bring her medications to her in her apartment. About a year into her stay there, I began to come by to pay her bills and my wife and I would bring her other needs like blankets or sweaters. Delma had a car at first and was using it to do errands, to visit friends, particularly those that were hospitalized, and to come and go at ease.

About a year after moving in, the social worker there called me and asked me to come meet with her and an administrator about Delma's car. They had noticed her dementia and were concerned. I took my mother to meet with them and they explained that they were legally responsible if she were to "run into a parked car or something." They asked me to take her car. I was happy that it happened that way, because I had been trying to think of a way to take my mother's car away myself. I appreciated that Rosemont Village took the initiative to do something I wanted to do but was hesitant because of personal involvement. Her dementia became very obvious after three years. More than once, Delma had been walking through the many hallways, library and garden area, and asked someone where she was. She did this once and the person she asked was the principal administrator of the facility. The administrator phoned me and told me about the incident. She told me that I needed to hire a personal companion for Delma within two days and she gave me phone numbers of a few services that would provide companions.

The companion service, Golden Care Services, was well meaning but never a comfortable solution. They sent a person who was usually an African immigrant with limited English to sit with Delma from mid-morning until she went to bed. The person had no understanding of Delma's condition and didn't know how to react when Delma would tell them to leave her apartment. It was also stressful for Delma to have a person in her apartment watching her television all day. The companion had been instructed on how to help her dress and get ready to go to the dining room, etc. but did little to engage her during the day. Delma had little understanding of why she would need help. The service also costs a great deal of money. After two months with the companion experience, Delma moved to Spring Mill Presbyterian Village because it had a memory support unit for residents with dementia.

Madeleine Spitz of Phoenixville, PA, shares the story about her parents’ experience at Bellingham Retirement Living:

Several months ago my family had to make the difficult decision to move my parents from their home into an independent living facility. This facility also had assisted living arrangements if needed. At first it seemed that this would be the solution for my parents since most of the help they required centered around meal preparation. After about one month, my mother's outlook declined so rapidly that we were forced to move them back to their home. (Luckily their home hadn't sold yet.)

The major objection that my mother would repeatedly voice was that she felt that the "inmates" as she called them were just waiting to die. By "inmates" she was referring to those like her that had come to the facility to be assisted and looked after but instead slowly resigned themselves to the fact that this was the only option for them – and therefore left them feeling imprisoned. My mother knew she had an “out” and was not about to surrender or lose the will to live.

At first we could not understand my mother because the facility seemed so pleasant when we would visit. Looking back on it now, I understand that my mother really felt that all the privacy that her home had provided was taken away when she moved to the facility. It became too much for her to bear the pain that she witnessed daily in the disenchanted and resigned faces of the fellow "inmates" surrounding her.

The fact is that all people are different and have various needs and personalities. These facilities are very limited in providing options for the various levels of need. Also normalcy is not apparent in these facilities because everyday life as it exists for us has been removed in an attempt to shelter them.